Jay Shetty’s Think Like a Monk is one of those rare reads that leads to so much more. After now following Jay on Instagram and listening to his podcast, I’m so glad I found his work. Former monk, turned author and life coach, his 2020 release was truly insightful from start to finish and I found myself putting it down every few pages so that I could take notes on another great passage. Here are some takeaways:
On page 35 he writes, “Remember saying whatever we want whenever we want however we want is not freedom. Real freedom is not feeling the need to say these things.” I think in 2021 this statement could not be any more relevant. I find myself constantly struggling with exercising self-restraint to not always feel like I need to speak my mind.
He talks a lot about fear and constantly asking yourself “Why?” to get to the root of your fear. I’m afraid I won’t get into school. Okay, but why? You want to make more money, to go on vacation, because everyone else is going on vacation because you seek more excitement in your life. So it’s not about money, it’s about being bored.
Then there’s a saying, “Good thing, bad thing, who knows?” How many times have we looked back at a negative event and said “You know, that was one of the best things that has ever happened to me”? Yet how many times do we look at a seemingly positive situation and think the opposite? The time you get from losing a job, for example, can be spent reconnecting with your family or discovering a new passion. Conversely, getting a brand new job that you’re incredibly excited about could turn into two of the worst years of your life.
He then talks about varna (my varna is ‘guide’), your natural talent and passion, and seva, what the universe needs. And when you combine the two, you are living in your dharma, a major theme of the book. He outlines dharma with five characteristics: alive, flow, comfort, consistency, and positivity & growth. This is how you should feel when you are living your dharma. I was introduced to the concept of flow in Bill Burnett and Dave Evans’ Designing Your Life. You feel like you are in your lane, swimming with the current. You don’t feel out of place. It gets better the more you do it. For me, dharma breeds a level of timelessness.
He then talks about waking up early. Ugh. If only.
Eventually, I learned the one infallible trick to successfully getting up earlier: I had to go to sleep earlier. That was it. I’ve spent my entire life pushing the limits of each day, sacrificing tomorrow because I do not want to miss out on today. But once I finally let that go and started going to sleep earlier, waking up at four became easier and easier. And as it became easier, I found that I could do it without the help of anyone or anything besides my own body and the natural world around it.
“We tend to wear our ability to get by on little sleep as some sort of badge of honor that validates our work ethic. But what it is is a profound failure of self-respect and of priorities.” -Maria Popova
If there’s one thing I’d like to master in life, it’s probably waking up early. It’s just so difficult. I’m even struggling to go to bed without having my phone nearby. I feel like I don’t want the day to end. What did I even accomplish today? I can still squeeze in a little bit of this, or a little bit of that. But I’m just robbing myself of sleep. And hours I’m spending now can still be spent tomorrow. Bob Iger touches upon rising early in The Ride of a Lifetime. Jay later talks about the energies of your living space.
In the world outside an ashram, to watch Netflix and or eat in your bedroom is to confuse the energy of that space. If you bring those energies to your bedroom, it becomes harder to sleep there. Even in the tiniest apartment you can dedicate spaces to different activities. Every home should have a place to eat. A place to sleep. A sacred place that helps you feel calm and spaced it feels comforting when you are angry. Create spaces that bring you the energy that matches your intention. A bedroom should have few distractions, calm colors, soft lighting. Ideally it should not contain your workspace. Meanwhile, a workspace should be well lit, uncluttered and functional with art that inspires you.
This is wild. I try my best to make my desk a dedicated study space, but when you are studying on a gaming PC, that can be challenging. I’m trying to envision my perfect study workspace for PA school. The challenge I have now is that it can be difficult to study underground (I live in a basement). I find myself finding spaces upstairs in my house, despite the distractions from my family, because the basement becomes depressing. Yet, I’ve managed a tremendous amount of productivity from my desk. I’ve exhaustively searched for the perfect keyboard, monitor, and mouse to make my desk functional. These little details for me are very conducive to productivity; my workspace is very purposeful. I spent a lot of time studying solo at a coworking space in Doylestown, but I think my most groundbreaking learning happened downtown on campus at Jefferson. Being in an academic setting, surrounded by other learners with this come-and-go and chance encounter mindset, in these large meeting rooms with floor-to-ceiling whiteboards is the perfect environment for me. It was very Pixar-esque. Even in the same room, we were individually studying but available to each other to bounce ideas off of each other and for support.
As far as mixing energies in the bedroom, that can be very tough, especially considering I have a TV in front of my bed. I have found myself switching to more long-form entertainment like TV shows and movies vs. the mindless scrolling of bite-size TikToks and Instagram stories. I guess that’s a step in the right direction! If only I can bring myself to read before bed.
Speaking of utilizing living spaces, there’s an amazing TikTok account run by a man named Cliff Tan who applies Feng Shui to all sorts of crazy apartments and living spaces.
Surprisingly, Shetty also talks about self-talk. The last book I read, Late Bloomers touched upon this as well. They both mention how referring to yourself by your name can be a powerful tool in seeing yourself objectively. “Sound is powerful, and hearing your own name grabs your attention. Talking yourself through a project or task enhances focus and concentration. Those who do it function more efficiently.”
To contemplate the difference between yourself and your persona, think about the choices you make when you are alone, when there’s nobody to judge you and nobody you’re trying to impress. Only you know whether you choose to meditate or watch Netflix, to take a nap or go for a run, to wear sweatpants or designer threads. Only you know whether you eat a salad or a column of Girl Scout cookies. Reflect on the you who emerges when nobody else is around, no one to impress, no one with something to offer you. That is a glimpse into who you truly are. As the aphorism goes, “You are who you are when no one is watching.”
I was able to live alone for a couple of years. Luckily, me alone isn’t nearly as messy as I expected. I love his comments on this though. The choices we make when we’re alone are truly an indication of who we are.
He goes on to talk about the “mindless” work that needs to be done around an ashram: cleaning the floors, picking up trash, etc. The purpose behind these tasks, besides the fact that someone has to do them, is to prevent us from getting big-headed. Some tasks can build competence while others build character. “The brainless activities annoyed me, but eventually I learned that doing an activity that was mentally unchallenging freed space for reflection and introspection and was worthwhile after all.” I can relate to this a lot. It’s hard at 32 being an ER tech and having to do tasks like stocking rooms or taking out laundry, but I also get to do a lot of other really cool and rewarding things like EKGs and CPR. As an introvert, I can use the more mundane tasks to recharge a bit. I also take pride in what I do. It’s very rewarding to clean up an entire department over 12 hours, or find the best way to do something that’s been done the same way for years.
One of the most powerful messages from this book comes on page 187: detachment.
The monk and I both used the same approach to quiet our egos. We detached from the reaction and became objective observers. We think we're everything we've achieved. We think we're our job. We think we are our home. We think we are our youth and beauty. Recognize that whatever you have--a skill, a lesson, a possession, or a principle--was given to you, and whoever gave it to you received it from someone else. This isn't directly from the Bhagavad Gita, but to summarize how it sees detachment, people often say, "What belongs to you today, belonged to someone yesterday and will be someone else's tomorrow." No matter what you believe in spiritually, when you recognize this, then you see that you're a vessel, an instrument, a caretaker, a channel for the greatest powers in the world. You can thank your teacher and use the gift for a higher purpose. Detachment is liberating. When we aren't defined by our accomplishments, it takes the pressure off. We don't have to be the best. I don't have to be Denmark’s most impressive visiting monk. My teacher doesn't have to see his students sit in stunned wonder at every moment. Detaching inspires gratitude. When we let go of ownership, we realize that all we have done has been with the help of others: parents, teachers, coaches, bosses, books, even the knowledge and skills of someone who is "self-made" have their origins in the work of others.
I can’t really add anything else to that. It speaks for itself.
Another quote I love:
Real greatness is when you use your own achievements to teach others, and they learn how to teach others, and the greatness you’ve accomplished extends exponentially.
The second, and possibly most profound message I got from this book is about gratitude.
Gratitude has been linked to better mental health, self-awareness, better relationships, and a sense of fulfillment. Gratitude journaling reduces intrusive thoughts and helps participants sleep better. Others have given us their time, energy, and love. They have made efforts on our behalf. Gratitude for their kindness is entwined with self-esteem, because if we are worthless, then that would make their generosity toward us worthless too. When you’re present in gratitude, you can’t be anywhere else. We truly can’t focus on positive and negative feelings at the same time. If you’ve been through a breakup, if you’ve lost a loved one, if anything has hit you hard emotionally, gratitude is the answer. The toxic emotions that gratitude blocks contribute to widespread inflammation, which is a precursor to loads of chronic illnesses, including heart disease. Studies show that grateful people not only feel healthier, they’re also more likely to take part in healthy activities and seek care when they’re ill.
“If thankfulness were a drug, it would be the world’s best-selling product with a health maintenance indication for every major organ system.” -Dr. P. Murali Doraiswamy, Duke University.
I had absolutely no idea how powerful gratitude could be. I had someone very close to me who read this book (and recommended it to me) who kept a gratitude journal, and now I see why.
The last message I walked away with from Think Like a Monk is about healing your past before moving forward. I was actually anticipating a tough pill to swallow when Shetty started to talk about relationships and that’s exactly what I got.
Until you heal the wounds of your past, you will continue to bleed. You can bandage the bleeding with food, with alcohol, with drugs, with work… but eventually it will all ooze through and stay in your life. You must find the strength to open the wounds, stick your hands inside, pull out the core of the pain that is holding you in your past, the memories, and make peace with them.
Once you’ve unpacked your own bags and you’ve healed yourself (mostly) then you’ll come to relationships ready to give. You won’t be looking to them to solve your problems or fill a hole. Nobody completes you. You’re not half. You don’t have to be perfect, but you have to come to a place of giving. Instead of draining anyone else, you’re nourishing them.
So yea, that was all very relevant to me.
The conclusion of the book talks about meditation and death. In terms of meditation, which is a theme throughout the entire book, I walked away with a technique to breathe in through my nose over four seconds, hold for four seconds, and then slowly exhale through my mouth over four seconds. I do this before every shift at work as I walk through the ER doors, and whenever I feel stressed or my heart racing. I’d love to graduate to some of the more advanced techniques Jay outlines.
In terms of death, Jay talks about the common regrets dying people express, among them not expressing love to others, working too much, not taking pleasure in life, and not doing more for other people. He talks about performing a death meditation and asking yourself what you wish you’d done, experiences you wish you had, things and skills you wished you had given more attention to and things you wish you’d detached from. Then he asks you to think about your own funeral. What impact and legacy do you want to be remembered for? And what can you do between now and then to make that happen?
