So I’m two weeks in to the post-bac pre-med program at Thomas Jefferson University. I have to be honest; this is unlike anything I’ve ever gone through in my life. This program has so far been the most overwhelming, stressful, frustrating experience of my life. Yet, each day it gets ever so slightly easier.
There is a taste here of the overwhelmed and “on” feeling I had managing the Jefferson Health Hack. That was non stop for weeks. But the stakes here are so. much. higher. I feel like I am furiously trying to outrun a hungry Lion, or trying to out swim a tidal wave, and I am just barely staying ahead. It’s my hope that I can keep increasing that gap.
It’s tough that we are starting this thing as “distanced learning” via online means and Zoom. There’s just so much to do. Homework assignments take 8 hours. I am supposed to remember algebra that I haven’t used since college, even high-school, nearly 15 years ago. Chemistry so far isn’t science; it’s math. So much math. I’m proud of myself though because I’ve all but mastered dimensional analysis (except for some of those density problems) when two weeks ago I had never even heard of dimensional analysis.
During orientation, P4 alumni said this program was hell. They were not joking. Every aspect of my life has now become this program. It’s all I think about. And honestly I think that’s a good thing. Stress can be good; it shows that you care. And I do care. But I have so much riding on this. I am in the process of moving out my own house into my parents basement.
I am trying so hard to rewire my brain and stay positive and realize that spending 2 hours on a single problem is absolutely fine. I am just quickly learning about time management like I have before. I’ve already forged some strong connections with some fellow students which has been so helpful. It’s very easy to feel lonely in this program.
I’m keeping my eye on the prize. I keep thinking about the hundreds of medical and PA students I’ve met and worked with over the years. Even the pre-med students. They all did this. This is so incredibly possible. I know it. I’m keeping a vision in my head of donning a short white coat and diving head first into PA school. And I’m also keeping a vision in my head of one day returning to Abington Hospital, the place I’ve spent so much of my life already, but not as a payroll intern like I was when I first started. I’m envisioning myself returning as a physician assistant, finally able to combine everything I’ve ever learned in my whole life. everything I’ve learned as a patient advocate, as an Innovation communications coordinator, as a UGME manager, and everything in between.
Let’s go.